Please head over to my creative blog to check it out. :)
http://evidentialparadoxes.wordpress.com/2010/09/13/expensive-brownies/
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
And we begin again
Kody arrived September 1, which means that I'm no longer a lonely, lonely girl. :) His job is about a 45 minute drive, and while I won't make it everyday (due to gas expenses and keeping my life in order), I'll definitely get to see him 2 or 3 times a week I think. He doesn't have a car, but I do, and that's going to make this year a lot easier all around.
This summer was a breath, and now it's gone. I went to Tokyo twice on JET business. My hotel room looked out on the Notre-Dame-inspired Tokyo City Office, or “Tochyou” as they say in Japanese. It was quite fun. And the beach, the beach in Tokushima is wonderful. I must have gone swimming over 10 times this summer, sometimes several times a week. We can still swim because of the heat, but there's an increasing risk of jelly-fish stings, which curtails my enthusiasm.
And now September is here and we have record heat. It's been in the 90s all week, if not over 100, and though today it says 87, the humidity is probably through the roof judging from the cloud cover outside. This is when I bless my car. Last year at this time, I was putting on slacks and nice shirts and getting nice dark freckles due to the 8 am sun that greeted me on the way to work. I don't have pimples, except in Japan, where I sweat like an overexcited puppy.
One year changes a lot. Everything comes in stride now. The stress is gone. Frustration remains at times, but the stress has ebbed. I have a favorite bakery where I buy my favorite bread. I know the cheapest place to buy shredded cheese and ground beef and chicken. I know how to use my japanese microwave oven to make banana bread, and I've learned the secret to keeping my apartment cool without topping $100 in electricity fees. I can bumble my way through buying almost anything, and I no longer squirm when I spend $12 on ingredients to make dinner or $4 on a 12 ounce jar of pasta sauce. I eat sashimi as if it were cheese, and rice as if it were bread. My coffee addiction is worse. Notice how almost all of these have to do with food: Japan has forced me to cook – for a lack of anything else to do.
I've also learned how to use my extra time at work. Novels, Japanese, GRE books, writing, and budgeting fill the black whole that is free time. Goodbye yahoo news and celebrity gossip. Oh dear those were the dark ages. Okay, so I sometimes play Settlers of Catan online, but only sometimes. ;) I'm still struggling to tame the wild beast that is evenings alone at home, but I think I'm getting better. The cooking has helped with this a lot. And I'm sure that having Kody so close will help as well. I'll have fewer evenings to myself, which means I'll have to be more careful with them.
In a week and a half, I'm off to visit ReBekha in Okinawa! It will be the first time I've been, even though I promised her long ago that I would come visit. It will be really nice, after just having gotten back into school, to just run off for over a week. I'm wonderfully excited. Though I might come home and be more discontent than ever. I hear she has great cafes. Hmmmmm. I'm hoping to convince Kody to go to Kyoto with me in October or November for my birthday. As always, it's difficult because it's so ridiculously expensive to travel in Japan, and Kyoto might even be worse than Tokyo. However, it's also one of the most famous and beautiful places, so we have to go.
I'm going to end this now. (That sounds like I'm breaking-up with this blog – ha) I'm afraid this might be terribly boring, but oh well. My writer ego is not so strong anymore.
This summer was a breath, and now it's gone. I went to Tokyo twice on JET business. My hotel room looked out on the Notre-Dame-inspired Tokyo City Office, or “Tochyou” as they say in Japanese. It was quite fun. And the beach, the beach in Tokushima is wonderful. I must have gone swimming over 10 times this summer, sometimes several times a week. We can still swim because of the heat, but there's an increasing risk of jelly-fish stings, which curtails my enthusiasm.
And now September is here and we have record heat. It's been in the 90s all week, if not over 100, and though today it says 87, the humidity is probably through the roof judging from the cloud cover outside. This is when I bless my car. Last year at this time, I was putting on slacks and nice shirts and getting nice dark freckles due to the 8 am sun that greeted me on the way to work. I don't have pimples, except in Japan, where I sweat like an overexcited puppy.
One year changes a lot. Everything comes in stride now. The stress is gone. Frustration remains at times, but the stress has ebbed. I have a favorite bakery where I buy my favorite bread. I know the cheapest place to buy shredded cheese and ground beef and chicken. I know how to use my japanese microwave oven to make banana bread, and I've learned the secret to keeping my apartment cool without topping $100 in electricity fees. I can bumble my way through buying almost anything, and I no longer squirm when I spend $12 on ingredients to make dinner or $4 on a 12 ounce jar of pasta sauce. I eat sashimi as if it were cheese, and rice as if it were bread. My coffee addiction is worse. Notice how almost all of these have to do with food: Japan has forced me to cook – for a lack of anything else to do.
I've also learned how to use my extra time at work. Novels, Japanese, GRE books, writing, and budgeting fill the black whole that is free time. Goodbye yahoo news and celebrity gossip. Oh dear those were the dark ages. Okay, so I sometimes play Settlers of Catan online, but only sometimes. ;) I'm still struggling to tame the wild beast that is evenings alone at home, but I think I'm getting better. The cooking has helped with this a lot. And I'm sure that having Kody so close will help as well. I'll have fewer evenings to myself, which means I'll have to be more careful with them.
In a week and a half, I'm off to visit ReBekha in Okinawa! It will be the first time I've been, even though I promised her long ago that I would come visit. It will be really nice, after just having gotten back into school, to just run off for over a week. I'm wonderfully excited. Though I might come home and be more discontent than ever. I hear she has great cafes. Hmmmmm. I'm hoping to convince Kody to go to Kyoto with me in October or November for my birthday. As always, it's difficult because it's so ridiculously expensive to travel in Japan, and Kyoto might even be worse than Tokyo. However, it's also one of the most famous and beautiful places, so we have to go.
I'm going to end this now. (That sounds like I'm breaking-up with this blog – ha) I'm afraid this might be terribly boring, but oh well. My writer ego is not so strong anymore.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Thai no tabemono, onegaishimas?
That's translated, Thai food please?
I discovered Thai food in Seattle with ReBekha. I can't quite remember the first time I had it; actually, it might have been with Meghan Young. But ReBekha and I explored more Thai opportunities in the great metropolis. There was this cute little place in Kirkland we went to the day of our JET interviews. It was lovely and I think she got an adorable picture of me looking as though the sconce on the back wall was on top of my head. We would also buy kits from Safeway on our meager college budgets (these were definitely a splurge!), and we would make it at our apartments. My favorite was Pad Thai of course with bean sprouts and cilantro and lime and peanuts. When Rick, Martha, Juliana, Randall, Katrina, Sarah, Julia, Heather, Kody and I did our Shakespeare trip to Ashland, we all went to a Thai restaurant and had curry.
When I was in Tokyo, ReBekha and I had Thai again: curry, cashew chicken, pad thai. It was absolutely amazing. Then when I was at orientation, my presentation partner and I found another good place on the 5th floor of a cramped building in Shinjuku. I went there twice.
So naturally, upon coming home, I was determined to advance my culinary skills in this area. I'm tired of being a boring cook. I'm tired of not being a cook at all. I think cooking should be relatively easy. Honestly, the hardest thing I run into here is finding the proper ingredients. My quest began when I found an inexpensive jar of Thai green curry paste. A friend on FB translated the label on the back and then I went searching for the proper ingredients. I finally found the Asian fish sauce that had alluded me. So I made the curry. It was delicious, but so, so, so spicy. It's the spiciest curry I've ever eaten I think. So I tried re-making it with less curry paste - not so great. I have a couple more tricks up my sleeve, but I think my curry paste might just be irreparably spicy. I might have to shop for a new paste.
I'm not done though. Now that I had the fish sauce, I knew i probably had the proper ingredients for other Thai dishes, so I found a recipe for the cashew chicken. Cashews? Hundred yen store, check. And then I found this massive bag of chili peppers at the discount grocery store. Chili peppers are generally hard to find in Japan, and now I have a bag that could last me 10 years. Oh well. The chicken was too dry, and the dish had several problems, all of which I can remedy the next time I make it. The recipe was pretty simple: cook cashews in a little sesame oil until brown. Set aside. Cook chili peppers for 20 seconds in the oil. Add chicken. Cook until no longer pink, add fish sauce, soy sauce and sugar. Cook. Add cashews and chopped green onions (not sliced, just cut up in about 1 inch lengths). Cook for 2 minutes. Serve over rice. Even though it was dry though, the flavor seemed right on. I'm excited to try it again - with more liquid next time.
So these have been my Thai cooking adventures. After exhausting Thai food, I think I'm going to start experimenting with mediterranean food. I've already tried making hummus. It wasn't a failed attempt, but it could use some definite improvement. I'm hoping to try out the yogurt sauce and find a way to cook beef that will give it that Greek sandwich flavor, even if it's not quite authentic.
Good food makes me happy. ;)
I discovered Thai food in Seattle with ReBekha. I can't quite remember the first time I had it; actually, it might have been with Meghan Young. But ReBekha and I explored more Thai opportunities in the great metropolis. There was this cute little place in Kirkland we went to the day of our JET interviews. It was lovely and I think she got an adorable picture of me looking as though the sconce on the back wall was on top of my head. We would also buy kits from Safeway on our meager college budgets (these were definitely a splurge!), and we would make it at our apartments. My favorite was Pad Thai of course with bean sprouts and cilantro and lime and peanuts. When Rick, Martha, Juliana, Randall, Katrina, Sarah, Julia, Heather, Kody and I did our Shakespeare trip to Ashland, we all went to a Thai restaurant and had curry.
When I was in Tokyo, ReBekha and I had Thai again: curry, cashew chicken, pad thai. It was absolutely amazing. Then when I was at orientation, my presentation partner and I found another good place on the 5th floor of a cramped building in Shinjuku. I went there twice.
So naturally, upon coming home, I was determined to advance my culinary skills in this area. I'm tired of being a boring cook. I'm tired of not being a cook at all. I think cooking should be relatively easy. Honestly, the hardest thing I run into here is finding the proper ingredients. My quest began when I found an inexpensive jar of Thai green curry paste. A friend on FB translated the label on the back and then I went searching for the proper ingredients. I finally found the Asian fish sauce that had alluded me. So I made the curry. It was delicious, but so, so, so spicy. It's the spiciest curry I've ever eaten I think. So I tried re-making it with less curry paste - not so great. I have a couple more tricks up my sleeve, but I think my curry paste might just be irreparably spicy. I might have to shop for a new paste.
I'm not done though. Now that I had the fish sauce, I knew i probably had the proper ingredients for other Thai dishes, so I found a recipe for the cashew chicken. Cashews? Hundred yen store, check. And then I found this massive bag of chili peppers at the discount grocery store. Chili peppers are generally hard to find in Japan, and now I have a bag that could last me 10 years. Oh well. The chicken was too dry, and the dish had several problems, all of which I can remedy the next time I make it. The recipe was pretty simple: cook cashews in a little sesame oil until brown. Set aside. Cook chili peppers for 20 seconds in the oil. Add chicken. Cook until no longer pink, add fish sauce, soy sauce and sugar. Cook. Add cashews and chopped green onions (not sliced, just cut up in about 1 inch lengths). Cook for 2 minutes. Serve over rice. Even though it was dry though, the flavor seemed right on. I'm excited to try it again - with more liquid next time.
So these have been my Thai cooking adventures. After exhausting Thai food, I think I'm going to start experimenting with mediterranean food. I've already tried making hummus. It wasn't a failed attempt, but it could use some definite improvement. I'm hoping to try out the yogurt sauce and find a way to cook beef that will give it that Greek sandwich flavor, even if it's not quite authentic.
Good food makes me happy. ;)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Conquering the Japanese Driver's Test
I love Tokushima. And I love my Japanese supervisor. And I love them both for helping me get my Japanese Driver's license.
For Americans, getting a license in Japan is notoriously hard. There are horror stories of people taking the test 5 or 10 times, and each time having to pay the fee. I've heard people say that one should reallly invest in 'lessons' to get your Japanese license, because you might actually spend that money trying to pass the test. (This is mostly only true for Americans because almost ever English speaking country has a treaty with Japan for transferring licenses WITHOUT taking a practical exam.)
However, I hadn't really heard any bad stories about Tokushima. (I have NOW, but not before I took the exam...) So I was pretty relaxed. However, just the process for getting your license is pretty complicated. First, you have to get your U.S. license tranlated into Japanse. This costs about $30. Then you have to MAKE AN APPOINTMENT at the driving center for them to check your paperwork. They look over your translation, your passport, and ask you weird questions about visa stamps in your passport. They have to confirm that you were in the U.S. for 3 months after getting your driver's license there. This was a little weird, but my supervisor went with me and it was fine. The guy asking me questions actually remembered her from the time before when she helped another ALT get his license. Apparently she had to beg him to let this guy have his license even though he hadn't had his U.S license for 3 months before coming (this is a huge no-no). But she's amazing and she succeeded.
Next, we set an appointment for my practical and written exams, which was yesterday. the written exam was pretty easy. The weirdest question was something about keeping to the left of your lane (remember we drive on the left here), except when you want to turn you move to the middle and hug the center line. Super weird, but this ended up being a big part of the practical test (seriously, who actually does that????). Then he explained the map and the practical test to me, and my supervisor translated. Then I walked out side and looked at the course. Then we got in the giant Prius and he demonstrated the course.
And then it was my turn. I got one practice round and then the exam. Honestly, the hardest thing about that course was turnign the stupid Prius on. What the heck. Not a normal car (I guess this is a GOOD thing) but still, it was weird. There's a power button. Like on a computer. For a car. hahaha. So I did the course. It was fine. I was super obvious about looking around and checking my mirrors and probably turned my signal on too early a few times.
So we stop. He immediately turns to my supervisor and asks me about what schools I teach at. This is how I imagine the conversation went (in Japanese):
Driving Guy: Daiichi JHS? My sister works there. She's in charge of the kendo club.
Sato-sensei: Oh! That's your sister? Wow! I'm Sato Michiko and my daughter was in that club.
Guy: Your daughter is Sato-san? oooooh wooooooow! Amazing! She must be so old now. What is she doing?
Me: *inspecting the incredibly tacky, lacey, Prius seat covers. Who makes this stuff?*
Sato-sensei: She lives in Tokyo....yada yada yada.
Guy: Wow!! Cool. Small world, ne??
Sato-sensei: Small world desu ne!!!!!!
Guy: And she lives on Kizu (pointing to me). I live right around the corner from her house near the ~~~ Shrine.
Sato-sensei: Oh yes! I think my daughter and I went to your house once!
Guy: Right! Yeah because of kendo. Oh btw, she passed. She was perfect.
Sato-sensei: Great!
Me: *smile, nod, display incredible happiness*
hahaha. So that't it. Turns out this guy is an incredible kendo instructor. Who knew? And he lives in Naruto. I can't place his sister though. Going to have to ask at school to see who the kendo teacher is and then I'll have something to say to her in an incredibly broken English-Japanese-gesture hybrid: "Sumimasen, senshu wa, Driving center (with handmotions), uuuuuhhh, Komatsushima ni ikimashita. Your brother (point at her) was my (point to me) instructor." Wait for response. Most likely response: 'eeeehhhhh??? *look of disbelief*'
Indeed. That's how it went. Once again, I love Sato, I love Tokushima.
Small world, ne????? Small world DESU NE!!!!
For Americans, getting a license in Japan is notoriously hard. There are horror stories of people taking the test 5 or 10 times, and each time having to pay the fee. I've heard people say that one should reallly invest in 'lessons' to get your Japanese license, because you might actually spend that money trying to pass the test. (This is mostly only true for Americans because almost ever English speaking country has a treaty with Japan for transferring licenses WITHOUT taking a practical exam.)
However, I hadn't really heard any bad stories about Tokushima. (I have NOW, but not before I took the exam...) So I was pretty relaxed. However, just the process for getting your license is pretty complicated. First, you have to get your U.S. license tranlated into Japanse. This costs about $30. Then you have to MAKE AN APPOINTMENT at the driving center for them to check your paperwork. They look over your translation, your passport, and ask you weird questions about visa stamps in your passport. They have to confirm that you were in the U.S. for 3 months after getting your driver's license there. This was a little weird, but my supervisor went with me and it was fine. The guy asking me questions actually remembered her from the time before when she helped another ALT get his license. Apparently she had to beg him to let this guy have his license even though he hadn't had his U.S license for 3 months before coming (this is a huge no-no). But she's amazing and she succeeded.
Next, we set an appointment for my practical and written exams, which was yesterday. the written exam was pretty easy. The weirdest question was something about keeping to the left of your lane (remember we drive on the left here), except when you want to turn you move to the middle and hug the center line. Super weird, but this ended up being a big part of the practical test (seriously, who actually does that????). Then he explained the map and the practical test to me, and my supervisor translated. Then I walked out side and looked at the course. Then we got in the giant Prius and he demonstrated the course.
And then it was my turn. I got one practice round and then the exam. Honestly, the hardest thing about that course was turnign the stupid Prius on. What the heck. Not a normal car (I guess this is a GOOD thing) but still, it was weird. There's a power button. Like on a computer. For a car. hahaha. So I did the course. It was fine. I was super obvious about looking around and checking my mirrors and probably turned my signal on too early a few times.
So we stop. He immediately turns to my supervisor and asks me about what schools I teach at. This is how I imagine the conversation went (in Japanese):
Driving Guy: Daiichi JHS? My sister works there. She's in charge of the kendo club.
Sato-sensei: Oh! That's your sister? Wow! I'm Sato Michiko and my daughter was in that club.
Guy: Your daughter is Sato-san? oooooh wooooooow! Amazing! She must be so old now. What is she doing?
Me: *inspecting the incredibly tacky, lacey, Prius seat covers. Who makes this stuff?*
Sato-sensei: She lives in Tokyo....yada yada yada.
Guy: Wow!! Cool. Small world, ne??
Sato-sensei: Small world desu ne!!!!!!
Guy: And she lives on Kizu (pointing to me). I live right around the corner from her house near the ~~~ Shrine.
Sato-sensei: Oh yes! I think my daughter and I went to your house once!
Guy: Right! Yeah because of kendo. Oh btw, she passed. She was perfect.
Sato-sensei: Great!
Me: *smile, nod, display incredible happiness*
hahaha. So that't it. Turns out this guy is an incredible kendo instructor. Who knew? And he lives in Naruto. I can't place his sister though. Going to have to ask at school to see who the kendo teacher is and then I'll have something to say to her in an incredibly broken English-Japanese-gesture hybrid: "Sumimasen, senshu wa, Driving center (with handmotions), uuuuuhhh, Komatsushima ni ikimashita. Your brother (point at her) was my (point to me) instructor." Wait for response. Most likely response: 'eeeehhhhh??? *look of disbelief*'
Indeed. That's how it went. Once again, I love Sato, I love Tokushima.
Small world, ne????? Small world DESU NE!!!!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Snapshots of Belief, part II
I have been asked recently how Japan has affected/changed my views in regard to Christianity; I find it a really difficult question to answer, but I think I can formulate a small sliver of what is happening.
Really Japan itself has had very little affect on my Christianity. Rather it is the isolation from my family and friends and from a regular church that has affected me. The thing is, I have never been completely secure in my faith. I’ve struggled with belief for as long as I can remember. The only thing that has changed is that now that I’m older I don’t make so much of that struggle anymore. I used to lose sleep over the question of God and now… I’m more apathetic. This is a blessing and a curse simultaneously. It’s a blessing because I realized that God wasn’t going to reject me for doubt. It is a curse because I know part of this tendency is pure laziness and distraction. I’m often more interested in getting caught up on my favorite TV show than examining my beliefs.
However, I have to say that I think I’m going through a change – it may be a change I’ve gone through before, but sometimes it takes several times. I have posited myself (to myself and others) as someone who was seeking “the truth.” This is why I sometimes doubted Christianity – because I didn’t want to accept in without scrutinizing it first. I told someone the other day that I wasn’t the type of person to accept Christianity simply because I was born into a Christian family. As I was driving home from this encounter. I thought about what I had said. And I realized – I’ve never looked into other religions or other beliefs for the sake of discovering whether they were true. And I have no desire to, unless it would be to satisfy that requirement on my quest for “truth.” This fact really bothered me at first. How can I say I am attempting to find the truth if I’ve never looked anywhere else. For a moment I pondered what my life would be like if I devoted myself to studying the religions/belief systems of the world searching for the right one. It would change my life. I would be a different person. It would also be exhausting, and, I’m afraid, very confusing
And then I realized, I don’t want anything else to be true. I want THIS.
I want the epic-ness of Israel’s history with Israel’s God. I want the humbleness of Jesus’ birth. I want his simple, earth-shattering, shocking 3 year ministry. I want the fact of his death. I want a ripped curtain between God and me. I want the beauty of Sunday morning, the reality of a religion absolutely characterized by a resurrection of overwhelming life.
“The thief comes in to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
I want THAT. And THAT is why I’ve never searched other religions. Because I want what I already have.
This is not to say that certain things about Christianity don’t drive me crazy, and I struggle to understand them. It doesn’t help that I’m generally disappointed in my fellow Christians. (Needless to say, they are probably disappointed in ME.) But the Jesus of Peter’s triple denial, of Thomas’ doubt, of Judas’ betrayal, would appear to be in the business of accepting people who had a habit of letting him down. Jesus has never been into pre-screening potential Christians no matter what WE may do with our fancy powerhouse churches.
I worry that this is just a cyclical thing. I doubt a lot and then I get tired and so I go back to faith. I realize that I’ve often approached Christianity with a desire to “prove” it – if not to others than to myself. I’ve also realized that this is absolutely ludicrous as far as the Christian message actually goes. There is no empirically proving these things. In fact, if one looks at Jesus life, death, and what’s left, one would feel that he was AGAINST leaving any empirical proof of who he was. I go back to about this same time 2 years ago when I was writing a paper for Dr. Charette on the Greek “doubt” that appears twice in Matthew. Jesus is walked on the water and Peter asks him if he can come to him. Jesus says come, but then once Peter gets out of the boat, “seeing the wind, he became frightened and beginning to sink he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!” Jesus’ reply (after saving him) is “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
I realized then that Jesus was disappointed because Peter took his eyes off of him and looked at his circumstances. The way of faith in Christianity is shockingly similar. If you look at the state of the world, at the state of other Christians, at the profundity of opinion and belief, there is no way to take all of that in and stay secure in one’s faith. This is not to say that I am advocating clueless Christianity, on the contrary, that is what I believe is wrong with a lot of Christians. However, I have to learn to focus enough on the one I believe in, to stay true to him, and then I can look out and see what the world needs and how I need to be in response to that.
I don’t have all the answers. I never will. Somehow I have to learn to accept this. But I do hope to be the type of Christian that will do justice to the term.
John 10:10, Matthew 14:30-31
Really Japan itself has had very little affect on my Christianity. Rather it is the isolation from my family and friends and from a regular church that has affected me. The thing is, I have never been completely secure in my faith. I’ve struggled with belief for as long as I can remember. The only thing that has changed is that now that I’m older I don’t make so much of that struggle anymore. I used to lose sleep over the question of God and now… I’m more apathetic. This is a blessing and a curse simultaneously. It’s a blessing because I realized that God wasn’t going to reject me for doubt. It is a curse because I know part of this tendency is pure laziness and distraction. I’m often more interested in getting caught up on my favorite TV show than examining my beliefs.
However, I have to say that I think I’m going through a change – it may be a change I’ve gone through before, but sometimes it takes several times. I have posited myself (to myself and others) as someone who was seeking “the truth.” This is why I sometimes doubted Christianity – because I didn’t want to accept in without scrutinizing it first. I told someone the other day that I wasn’t the type of person to accept Christianity simply because I was born into a Christian family. As I was driving home from this encounter. I thought about what I had said. And I realized – I’ve never looked into other religions or other beliefs for the sake of discovering whether they were true. And I have no desire to, unless it would be to satisfy that requirement on my quest for “truth.” This fact really bothered me at first. How can I say I am attempting to find the truth if I’ve never looked anywhere else. For a moment I pondered what my life would be like if I devoted myself to studying the religions/belief systems of the world searching for the right one. It would change my life. I would be a different person. It would also be exhausting, and, I’m afraid, very confusing
And then I realized, I don’t want anything else to be true. I want THIS.
I want the epic-ness of Israel’s history with Israel’s God. I want the humbleness of Jesus’ birth. I want his simple, earth-shattering, shocking 3 year ministry. I want the fact of his death. I want a ripped curtain between God and me. I want the beauty of Sunday morning, the reality of a religion absolutely characterized by a resurrection of overwhelming life.
“The thief comes in to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
I want THAT. And THAT is why I’ve never searched other religions. Because I want what I already have.
This is not to say that certain things about Christianity don’t drive me crazy, and I struggle to understand them. It doesn’t help that I’m generally disappointed in my fellow Christians. (Needless to say, they are probably disappointed in ME.) But the Jesus of Peter’s triple denial, of Thomas’ doubt, of Judas’ betrayal, would appear to be in the business of accepting people who had a habit of letting him down. Jesus has never been into pre-screening potential Christians no matter what WE may do with our fancy powerhouse churches.
I worry that this is just a cyclical thing. I doubt a lot and then I get tired and so I go back to faith. I realize that I’ve often approached Christianity with a desire to “prove” it – if not to others than to myself. I’ve also realized that this is absolutely ludicrous as far as the Christian message actually goes. There is no empirically proving these things. In fact, if one looks at Jesus life, death, and what’s left, one would feel that he was AGAINST leaving any empirical proof of who he was. I go back to about this same time 2 years ago when I was writing a paper for Dr. Charette on the Greek “doubt” that appears twice in Matthew. Jesus is walked on the water and Peter asks him if he can come to him. Jesus says come, but then once Peter gets out of the boat, “seeing the wind, he became frightened and beginning to sink he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!” Jesus’ reply (after saving him) is “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
I realized then that Jesus was disappointed because Peter took his eyes off of him and looked at his circumstances. The way of faith in Christianity is shockingly similar. If you look at the state of the world, at the state of other Christians, at the profundity of opinion and belief, there is no way to take all of that in and stay secure in one’s faith. This is not to say that I am advocating clueless Christianity, on the contrary, that is what I believe is wrong with a lot of Christians. However, I have to learn to focus enough on the one I believe in, to stay true to him, and then I can look out and see what the world needs and how I need to be in response to that.
I don’t have all the answers. I never will. Somehow I have to learn to accept this. But I do hope to be the type of Christian that will do justice to the term.
John 10:10, Matthew 14:30-31
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Reveling in what is my city (and my favorite author)
I spent the first 6 months in Naruto appreciating it for several things: my amazing supervisor, my co-workers, it's proximity to Kobe, and it's proximity to Tokushima city. As an afterthought, I might have said that it was also nice to be near a beach. However, since I didn't have a car, that locale was generally excluded from my daily going-about. Naruto may be economically dead, but it's certainly not small, and while I might look athletic, I most certainly am not. I kept my bicycle adventures to a minimum.
That being said, since I got my car a few months ago, I have slowly been expanding my daily sphere. In the last two weeks, I have made the beach my own. I have always loved the beach, but not with that tan-Californian bikini vigor. I love the beach for the view, for the cool gray water and the sky that differs only in brightness. I love the beach for the small specs of color in the form of buoys off the shore. I love the beach for the smell of salt and the frigid water that burns my toes. I love the beach for the soft purring of the tide rippling on the shore.
The beach inspires me, uplifts me, makes me feel fresh and relaxed. I've been keeping tennis shoes and workout pants in the car and I'll go for a quick run near the water. I have already found several different spots that I like for either running, walking in the water, or picking up shells.
Yesterday, I gathered a quick dinner of maki tuna salad sushi, kiwi, carrot, and apple juice and headed to the beach with Jane Austen. I've been rereading Pride and Prejudice. It's been about 5 or 6 years since I've read it all the way through. P&P is so incredibly good. I love the wit. Who knows, there might be more posts coming soon in the literary interpretation vein. I love writing about literature.
One thing that has struck me so far: Austen has this to say about Charlotte's marital bliss: "...and though evidently regretting that her visitors were to go, she did not seem to ask for compassion. Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, and all their dependent concerns, had not yet lost their charms." (Chapter 38) I sense a bit of a parallel here with Mr. Bennet, who, we would be led to believe, had entered into a similarly unsuitable marriage. However, where Charlotte is still charmed by the advantages of the marriage, Mr. Bennet has long been aware of his own folly and tried to deal with it as best he could. Austen seems quite certain of Charlotte's eventual disillusionment. Elizabeth sees through it all.
Actually, in light of these two examples, one would come to think that this novel is very much about companionate marriage in defiance of everything else. Charlotte's marriage is condemned because, while sensible in an economic light, Charlotte must submit herself to a man of infinitely poorer understanding. Mr. Bennet touches on this fact later when he urges Elizabeth, "My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life" (Chapter 59). Charlotte certainly cannot respect Mr. Collins, and it is this compromise for which Elizabeth condemns her. In the same way, Darcy and Elizabeth fall in love because they ARE suitable for one another despite the unsuitability of her connections, and the same goes for Bingley and Jane, and for that matter, sadly, Lydia and Wickham (though this comparison probably wouldn't stand up to scrutiny). Of course Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are an even more clear example of what-not-to-do than the Mr. and Mrs. Collins. People should fall in love because they can understand one another, because they can connect, because they can respect one another it seems. No doubt Austen herself got to see many examples of this NOT being the case in her daily life. The compromise in Pride and Prejudice is turning marriage into a contract rather than a relationship.
And there you have it. I'm in Japan, quite far away from you all, but still very much the same. I love the beach and I love Jane Austen (and my sushi was amazing!).
That being said, since I got my car a few months ago, I have slowly been expanding my daily sphere. In the last two weeks, I have made the beach my own. I have always loved the beach, but not with that tan-Californian bikini vigor. I love the beach for the view, for the cool gray water and the sky that differs only in brightness. I love the beach for the small specs of color in the form of buoys off the shore. I love the beach for the smell of salt and the frigid water that burns my toes. I love the beach for the soft purring of the tide rippling on the shore.
The beach inspires me, uplifts me, makes me feel fresh and relaxed. I've been keeping tennis shoes and workout pants in the car and I'll go for a quick run near the water. I have already found several different spots that I like for either running, walking in the water, or picking up shells.
Yesterday, I gathered a quick dinner of maki tuna salad sushi, kiwi, carrot, and apple juice and headed to the beach with Jane Austen. I've been rereading Pride and Prejudice. It's been about 5 or 6 years since I've read it all the way through. P&P is so incredibly good. I love the wit. Who knows, there might be more posts coming soon in the literary interpretation vein. I love writing about literature.
One thing that has struck me so far: Austen has this to say about Charlotte's marital bliss: "...and though evidently regretting that her visitors were to go, she did not seem to ask for compassion. Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, and all their dependent concerns, had not yet lost their charms." (Chapter 38) I sense a bit of a parallel here with Mr. Bennet, who, we would be led to believe, had entered into a similarly unsuitable marriage. However, where Charlotte is still charmed by the advantages of the marriage, Mr. Bennet has long been aware of his own folly and tried to deal with it as best he could. Austen seems quite certain of Charlotte's eventual disillusionment. Elizabeth sees through it all.
Actually, in light of these two examples, one would come to think that this novel is very much about companionate marriage in defiance of everything else. Charlotte's marriage is condemned because, while sensible in an economic light, Charlotte must submit herself to a man of infinitely poorer understanding. Mr. Bennet touches on this fact later when he urges Elizabeth, "My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life" (Chapter 59). Charlotte certainly cannot respect Mr. Collins, and it is this compromise for which Elizabeth condemns her. In the same way, Darcy and Elizabeth fall in love because they ARE suitable for one another despite the unsuitability of her connections, and the same goes for Bingley and Jane, and for that matter, sadly, Lydia and Wickham (though this comparison probably wouldn't stand up to scrutiny). Of course Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are an even more clear example of what-not-to-do than the Mr. and Mrs. Collins. People should fall in love because they can understand one another, because they can connect, because they can respect one another it seems. No doubt Austen herself got to see many examples of this NOT being the case in her daily life. The compromise in Pride and Prejudice is turning marriage into a contract rather than a relationship.
And there you have it. I'm in Japan, quite far away from you all, but still very much the same. I love the beach and I love Jane Austen (and my sushi was amazing!).
Monday, April 5, 2010
More Cherry Blossoms
The cherry blossom season in Japan is short and sweet - very sweet. When I drive to work I pass, who knows how many, trees and right now, they're in full bloom. It's absolutely gorgeous. Yesterday, when taking photos at a shrine on the way home from work, I met some of my elementary school students. They said English words like banana and coconut and I made absurd conversation. "Coconut oishii desu ne!" Coconut is delicious isn't it? haha. I doubt they understood half of my pathetic jabbering. It's nice to try to talk to Japanese people that don't speak very much English. It's incredible to see how much you can communicate with the few words that you have in common. I talked to one of their day care teachers there at the shrine for a while and I think the result of our conversation was that her father goes to my adult conversation class for teachers. Tokushima is a small world. Naruto is just a city.
Here's the link to my Flickr account where these photos are hosted: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7215769@N05/
Here's the link to my Flickr account where these photos are hosted: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7215769@N05/
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