Long overdue...

So it's December 1 in Japan. I'm sitting at my junior high school killing time. I have recently discovered that trips to the bathroom are great ways to get inspired. I frequently find myself making resolutions in the ladies room. My first thought was that I should look into whether I can complete a teaching certificate online. I have yet to do this, but it's a great idea. My second thought has been that I should read up on cultural theory and create my own teaching curiculum here at the junior high school. I assure myself (as I wash my hands) that both of these things would contribute greatly to my eventual graduate school applications. However, my desk is the bane of my existence. When I get to my desk, it all goes out the window and I find myself engaging in much more mundane activities like balancing my monthly budget (which consists of a notebook in which I write my expenses) and browsing the internet for the latest bit of 'I have to know this or the pop culture center of my brain will die' piece of information. The highlights for today? No one knows anything about Tiger Woods' wife and Mike Huckabee has issued almost three times more pardons in his time as governor of Arkansas than Bill Clinton in the same position. Both of these facts do me absolutely no good as a moral or artistic person, and yet the trend continues day after day. I will stop talking about this, however, because there has already been a mass of witty diatribes against 'useless information' that we often feel we must have.

Nanowrimo saved me this month. The television got less of my time, though so did everything else. Nanowrimo taught me to write again. I had been feeling as though my writing had turned into mush. I tried to write blogs and they came out....blahhhmeeehh. Syntax refused to stay in order. However, with the help of friends who encouraged me in the face of my difficulties, I was able to push through the blaaahhmeehh until my words began to shape up. Sometimes I felt as if every word was one costly brain cell, but other times it was as if the words for flying out of my fingers. I won't say that what I wrote was the most brilliant or the most original but it was SOMETHING and it was PRACTICE. Nothing like 50,000 words to shape up the verbal prowess. ;) Okay, maybe I should say, verbal proficiency. It was super fun too, you all should do it. Now you are all thinking, 'you are insane; I have a life, you obviously don't' which is in some ways true...but...

Life is getting busier and busier. I just signed up for a pottery class on Thursday evenings, I hav eJapanese class on Wednesday evenings, and tonight I'm giving an adult language conversation class (only have to do this every few months). Last weekend the JETs in Tokushima read through part of the script for the winter musical. We are doing *The Lion King* relocated in TOkushima with an easier English level. Fortunately, we're in Japan where everyone rips of everything and gets away with it, so we have the freedom to screw this Disney treasure up as much as possible and have an incredible time doing it. Although I wanted to break out a wonderfully horrible cockney British accent for Zazu, apparently the director couldn't resist my compact cuteness and cast me as little Nala. He told me I could actually act, so they were going to use me to spice up this otherwise boring character. Who says someone can't use your skills against you? Honestly, I actully think it was a matter of finding someone small enough to play little Nala. I do find this frustrating, but she gets to sing I think, and I'm sure I'll get to pull out some awful dance moves in there somewhere as well so it's not all bad. Hopefully I won't have to commit to the 14 hour/week practice schedule either for my 8 lines or whatever she has. Now I will stop being a whiney actor. The musical should be great fun. Therewere a ton of people at the read through - quite a bit of talent in Tokushima and lots of enthusiasm. That are the chances I would get placed in a theaterically inclined prefecture? No idea, but it certainly is great.

I am further considering buying a car. The train schedule here sucks, which means that last night, Kody had to hop on a train at 9:13, arrive at a station at 9:30 and then wait until 11 to finally catch his hour long train home. This is absurd. Not to mention it was 40 something degrees outside and all he had were two sweatshirts. I think if he weren't here, getting a car would be excessive, but now that he is, I am constantly reminded of how immobile I am. I would love to actually wear my hair down to school for once. Biking 15 minutes always decimates that possibility. And I'm not even going to talk about biking to school in the rain. If you've done it, you know.

As far as teaching goes, it's a mixed bag. I think I would be perfectly happy with myself if I weren't a complete overachiever. I want to be the SUPER ALT. I know it's absurd, but I want to be, and with my personaility, I won't stop till I am. I have this thing about pushing pushing pushing until I think I am the best, and then feeling quite a failure if I meet anyone who's better. I think a I'm a competitive, overachieving authority pleaser. I know this, and yet I'm still this way. My JTE told me yesterday that he always trusts my lesson planning. I've been teaching 3 months and he trusts my lesson planning. Is this good enough? Nope. He tells me this yet I still feel bad that the ninth grade students don't seem very enthusiastic about this lesson. My eighth graders drive me crazy because they don't seem to EVER get excited. I'm tempted to tell myself things about horses and water and drinking, but then I stop and say, *but there ARE teachers who are THAT good that they make the bored students excited. I want to be THAT teacher. I tell myself not to become complacent (something I think is very easy to do as an ALT). And that is when I start having visions about creating my own curriculum and blah blah yada yada. And my supervisor tells me I have a talent for teaching and all these teachers she's talked to has told her so... Well, maybe that will make me feel good - for a month. Isn't there some proverb that should come into my mind about being satisfied with one's best and not expecting results immediately? I'm sure there is somewhere. Would it change anything? Maybe for like 5 minutes...

And now - I am off to 2 lessons of 9th grade where I will reinforce the beleif that Christmas is all about consumers and marketing as I have my kids go Christmas shipping. Then school lunch (yay?). Then anothe 9th grade class and a 7th grade class.

Cheerio, friends!

My thought on The Miserables

JUDGE: “Monsieur la Mayor, I know you to be a kind man…but this?”

LA MAYOR: “Kind? A kind man? When I was in prison, I was as ignorant and mean and devious as these men here, but not kind. And I wish I could keep my mouth shut and let this poor wretch suffer for me…but, continue with the investigation, monsieur, you will find further proof that I am Valjean.”

This is one of my favorite moments in the film adaptation of Hugo’s novel. Les Miserablés is a study in contrasts, most poignantly the black and white nature of judgment and the abundant nature of grace. Jean Valjean is a testament to the power of transformation and redemption. Javert on the other hand is an example of justice apart from grace. Javert finds grace irrational, since he believes that no criminal could ever truly reform. He demands justice without any consideration of circumstance or repentance. However, such a stance on his part requires that he treat himself in exactly the same manner. Near the beginning of the novel, he tells Monsieur Mayor (Valjean),

“I have often been severe in my life towards others. It was just. I did right. Now if I were not severe towards myself, all I have justly done would become injustice. Should I spare myself more than others? No. What! If I should be prompt only to punish others and not myself, I should be a wretch indeed!”

In a world with no prospect of reform or mercy, Javert, upon finding wrong within himself has two choices: condemnation or hypocrisy. Valjean on the other hand continually offers Javert mercy…which even Javert cannot receive. He has not the power to receive it. His world is too black and white for mercy. “And with the same measure you judge others, so also will you be judged,” immediately rang in my ears when I read this section. Of course, Javert’s character is an extreme case, but extremes often highlight the truth. As humans, Hugo seems to be offering us three choices: condemnation, hypocrisy, or grace, but with the grace, we must be able to accept it. Grace is worthless otherwise.

This is as far as my thoughts have gone so far. I’m just about 50 pages into the abridged version of the novel. I tried the 1500 page full length version when I was a teenager (believe it or not, when I was more prone to read 1000+ page novels), and I didn’t make it past page three-hundred-something. So here I am again, a little less ambitious, but excited.

Question for those of you who’ve read it (or watched the movie), why is Hugo’s story, with these heavy themes of judgment and grace, condemnation and reformation, set in a very unstable revolutionary/post-revolutionary France? How does such a setting illuminate what he’s trying to say? I just began wondering about this while I watched the movie this evening, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

First week of school

This last week has been eventful…of course. Most my time thus far in Japan has been eventful, but this last week has been especially. It’s Friday in Japan, and I now find myself looking over the last week with just a touch of awe.

Sunday…was too long ago, I barely remember what I did. Oh yeah, I cleaned, worked on my powerpoint and play games with my western comrades. Monday started with a bang and a huge stage that I had to stand on, alone, in front of 800 7th, 8th, and 9th graders. Speaking in chapel with 300 of my fellow students and professors for 15 minutes could not compare to the terror of talking to 800 junior-high school Japanese children in their black and white uniforms for 30 seconds. My teachers stood on the gym floor on the side and introduced me and then motioned me to the giant stage. I stood there alone and listened to this adorable Japanese girl give me a two minute speech in English. What came out of my mouth was a jumble of my name, state, “America,” and a nice to meet you with a very poor Japanese bow. I hope they didn’t expect more. “You looked nervous” one of my teachers told me after. Ha! You think? Not long after I had my first class with the 9th graders. Unfortunately, my hopes that “talking slowly” would lengthen my powerpoint were dashed when I finished 15 minutes before the bell. So for 15 minutes I tried to “relax” and “chat” with the students. Epic fail. I felt like an absolute moron, retreated to my desk in the giant teachers room and suppressed my desire to cry. Fortunately I was able to leave school to go to the bank, since my rent was due and I got my first big paycheck on Monday (I swear, I have more money after a month in Japan, than I’ve ever had in my life…it’s a wonderful feeling). But I got to the bank and realized that I needed my “inken” it’s this little stamp that words as one’s signature in Japan. So the very sweet teller showed me how to do my banking at the ATM. The whole bank incident didn’t exactly make me feel better, however. Let’s just say that first day kind of sucked. That night a couple of my fellow JETs who have been here for at least a year called me to cheer me up. They assured me that their first day sucked as well, and that everyone felt like a failure and I would get better…you know all those things that experienced people say to inexperienced people who are trying to sulk.

Tuesday I headed to my elementary school. I stopped at the convenience store to get a pastry and a cold coffee since breakfast had been null that morning. Naturally, I left my helmet on because I was in such a hurry. As I walked out, I saw the “no helmets” icon on the door. Stupid gaijin. When I got to my school, they showed me the lesson plan for the day. Thankfully it was the exact lesson that I had watched a couple JETs do at Orientation as an example. I taught first graders that day. I did the whole lesson almost entirely by myself. They looked on eagerly and enthusiastically entered into the exciting game at the end. No Hello Kitty, Snoopy dog, or Rillakuma Café icon can compare in cuteness to Japanese first graders. If they weren’t somewhat exhausting, I would teach first grade Japanese kids every day and love it. Tuesday was my mending day. Monday had been awful. Tuesday was saving grace poured directly on my thirsty soul. I think Dai ichi Shogako (shogako is elementary, chugako is JH, and “koko” is HS, it’s like saying “high” for HS in English) will be my favorite school. I spend a day there next week as well. Wednesday, Thursday, and today were spent back at the Junior High.

Over the last three days I have taught 11 classes at the JH. It’s a lot, and yesterday I felt like I was losing my voice, so I spent the night in with Arrested Development, OJ, tea, and vitamin C. Tuesday night I happened to by a beach ball at the store because I had found a good game with a ball that I could use to make my powerpoint longer. That ball has been golden. It has some Japanese cartoon or anime character “Doraemon” (I have no idea who it is) inside and the kids love it. I play pop music, they pass the ball and when I stop the music, the kid with the ball has to stand up and say “Hello, my name is…Miran, I have 5 people in my family.” It works great because it gets everyone to say SOMETHING AND it takes up like 10 minutes to go through everyone. I put it in the middle of my lesson to get them on their feet. I’ve been working with 9th graders and I’m told that the 7th graders get more excited, so that will be nice. It kind of depends on the class with the 9th graders. Some classes are really “genki” (happy, excited, enthusiastic) and others look like they are sleeping with their eyes open. They told us at Orientation that we might have to have the kids stand up when asking questions (the kids who answer get to sit down). It’s true, and it works! They really don’t like standing up…

I think it was Wednesday or Thursday when it dawned on me that these students were the same grade and age as my dorky, adorable, and goofy little brother. What the heck was I so scared of? Honestly, the uniforms are kind of intimidating. I’m going to be really sad when it gets warmer and they make my little elementary students wear uniforms.

It’s tiring to be a teacher though! It requires so much energy! I find myself exhausted after my last class. Yesterday, I felt physically sick, so I made sure to get 8+ hours of sleep last night.

So, as you can read, I am slowly finding my groove here. Everyone has been very great so far, my teachers, my supervisor, my co-workers, and with September coming on, it should begin to get cooler soon. I’m also getting internet at home tomorrow…so you all might be hearing from me a bit more.

This has been my first week at school. I hope you enjoyed reading.

Awa Odori: Where all are Fools

There is a saying about the Awa Odori Festival in Tokushima, Japan: "Those who dance are fools, those who watch are fools. Since both are fools, why not dance?" This weekend, I learned the meaning of that phrase.

The Awa Odori is a traditional Japanese dance - one of the most famous. In it's most simple form, it is, well, quite simple. Step forward and with the same arm as foot, extend the arm. Now add the same music over and over again, a little crouching, a little artistic grace, a Japanese Yukata, paper lanters, lots of food, beer, and crowds like crazy and you have the second largest dance festival in the world.

Every year, the new JETs in Tokushima and any other JETs that want to, get together with an international group to have a pre-dance party and then dance together in the main festival. We went to two different stages and performed the dance in front of hundreds, probably thousands of people. They gave us yukatas, which are pretty much big robes with sashes we tied around our waists. It was very tiring, my feet were killing me, and I was sweating like a pig, BUT it was also probably the most fun I've had in Japan since I got here. We had to wait a long time for each dance so we just all stood around and chatted and talked about how hot it was and how crazy this festival was. We also had to walk through masses of people on our way to the next stage. The mayhem was exhilerating and exciting, and as we danced, the crowd laughed and pointed and had a great time watching our crazy gaijin (foreigner) version of their special dance.

Now I can't wait till next year...

It has finally come

I have 2 new sweaters - cardigan-like. They look very teacher-y; they're very cute. I just got pearl earings from my mom, and pierced my ears so I can wear them. I have found myself putting my hair up...it's, well, teacher-like.

I think I'm psyching myself out. I'll probably get to Japan and feel like a student still, with a sidekick tutoring job. I won't feel like a teacher, maybe a poser, but not a teacher.

Or maybe this is what I tell myself to make sure I don't get my hopes dashed. Somehow I hope that I can stand up in front of a classroom and BE a teacher. I hope that I can actually be an authority on anything - even English. I hope that I won't be a student my entire life (but that I will ALWAYS be a learner). I hope that all this work I've done will actually pay off, that I don't have to have my PhD before I can teach anyone anything.

I used to tutor Korean kids, but I could never shake this overwhelming feeling that I was failing, that they weren't learning anything. I still knew that I was only a junior in college with no tutoring or international experience. It was frustrating, discouraging.

Now I'm going to go teach elementary students, junior high students, and I'm going to like it, and I'm going to be good at it - I have to be. Somehow, it will be incredible. Do you think they'll be able to say my name? I guess Nikolina is mostly all Japanese syllables - except for the L. Hmm.

I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to be a teacher, and I can't believe it.

The city is NARUTO!

So, I have figured out that I'm going to be in Naruto, Tokushima. Naruto is a city of about 60,000. It is about an hour away from a city of over 200,000, Tokushima, Tokushima, and about 3 hours away from Osaka, which is the second largest city in Japan at about 2.7 million (at night - the population exceeds 3 million during the day). Naruto is famous for a hotspring or something like that. There's bridges that connect Shikoku to the main island of Honshu. I need to check out the beaches and see what those are like...

TOKUSHIMA!!

I just received word about my placement in Japan today. I'll be placed in the province of Tokushima on the island of Shikoku in Japan. Now that I have my placement, I am officially a Japenese Exchange and Teaching program participant, and own my title of Assistant Language Teacher. I'm very excited.

Shikoku is the smallest of the four main islands and is located directly beneath the largest island, Honshu. I won't be far from Osaka located in southeast Honshu. I don't know yet what city I'll be placed in, so I don't know if it's a small town or a larger city. I like this placement because it's southern, which means I won't have to deal with snow and sad weather. I had enough rain in Seattle to last for a long time.

Horray!!!