I have 2 new sweaters - cardigan-like. They look very teacher-y; they're very cute. I just got pearl earings from my mom, and pierced my ears so I can wear them. I have found myself putting my hair up...it's, well, teacher-like.I think I'm psyching myself out. I'll probably get to Japan and feel like a student still, with a sidekick tutoring job. I won't feel like a teacher, maybe a poser, but not a teacher.
Or maybe this is what I tell myself to make sure I don't get my hopes dashed. Somehow I hope that I can stand up in front of a classroom and BE a teacher. I hope that I can actually be an authority on anything - even English. I hope that I won't be a student my entire life (but that I will ALWAYS be a learner). I hope that all this work I've done will actually pay off, that I don't have to have my PhD before I can teach anyone anything.
I used to tutor Korean kids, but I could never shake this overwhelming feeling that I was failing, that they weren't learning anything. I still knew that I was only a junior in college with no tutoring or international experience. It was frustrating, discouraging.
Now I'm going to go teach elementary students, junior high students, and I'm going to like it, and I'm going to be good at it - I have to be. Somehow, it will be incredible. Do you think they'll be able to say my name? I guess Nikolina is mostly all Japanese syllables - except for the L. Hmm.
I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to be a teacher, and I can't believe it.
